I Get Like This

I get like this.

I hate it.

I get so stressed out by everything.

The news chatters like they have no brains at all. They have all just become puppets trying to recruit us all into the puppet brigade. I turn it off easy enough.

But, people repeat the nonsense over and over and over until they think it is truth. In all my life, I have never seen so many people basing their opinions on such crap.

Whether you are left or right, if you are latching on to “facts” because they support your stance and are not willing to consider the fact it may not be true, welcome to puppet world.

And then many of those same people make fun of Christians because they believe in God who is perfectly willing to prove himself to an open heart.

But, I am used to all that. I can dance through that silliness standing on my head. Don’t ask me to dance while standing on my head. I don’t even know if that’s a thing.

Right now, it seems that at every turn, I am pushing through resistance. I’m fighting through endless opposition that I’m afraid is at least stopping any progress if not pressing me backwards toward impending doom.

Thoughts come rushing in as I lean into the oncoming storm.

“Give up. Let the wind blow you to where you feel no pressure, no strain, no fear of falling.”

Thoughts try to take over.

I’m tempted to manipulate truth to justify what my thoughts are saying to me. There are a million reasons to give in, to give up.

But every single one of those million reasons is a lie.

See, truth has a lot of push back. It isn’t easy to get to the heart of it. It is continuously buried and hidden under the lies of the deceiver.

Mankind tends to swallow those lies. We have been prone to nibbling at lies since the serpent appeared in the Garden of Eden.

When I try to make myself the center, as most of the lies we hear zipping around us seem to tell us to do, truth is out on the fringes in the periphery. It is hard to see and harder to live.

But when I face the storm, weather the anxiety and doubt, I move into the center of truth. It is like a hurricane. Things can get pretty rough until I find the center.

I used to make up my own truth. On the surface it is easy. Kind of like the foolish man building his house on the sand. There was a quick and easy construction job but it collapsed when the wind blew.

When I made up my own truth, I was constantly rebuilding. Rebuilding sucks.

Truth is the firm foundation. It stands when the storm hits. Not even the big, bad wolf can huff and puff and blow it down (oops, wrong story).

When I build, it isn’t so much repairing and rebuilding but adding a new wing, another story or a major home improvement.

To be honest, I sat down and started writing to explain why I wasn’t writing today or maybe even all week. But, somehow, a tiny particle of hope zoomed off the screen and smacked me right in the center of my cranium.

Yeah, I have been here before. I have stood at the corner of “Give Up” and “Go on”. I have been down both roads. I know what lies down both roads.

I know that if I press on toward the center of truth, the calm will come and I can rest.

I also know that if I turn away, I spend a lifetime trying to outrun the oncoming storm and no shelter is built well enough to shield me from it.

This day may begin with some trudging and maybe even some crawling. But, as long as I trudge and crawl in the right direction, the sun will shine on me soon.

Yeah, I get like this.

I hate it.

But, I know I can get through it.