It is not the normal August second outside this morning. The humidity is low and the temps are cool for this time of year. My body is accustomed to soaring temps only cooling down to what some would call hot during the night.
I walked out the door and felt as if fall was going to start next week.
When I was watching the baseball game last night, the commentators seemed unable to believe that it was such a nice evening at the beginning of August.
It feels kind of wrong in a great kind of way.
I know that even though I am aware of the potential for a really nice day, I will walk out the doors from work and wonder if I am in the right place. I’ll be expecting worse even though I know it isn’t going to be the case.
I think my life gets tainted by my expectations. Even though I know that God is with me and walking beside me and taking care of me, I expect him not to be.
I don’t know. It is as if my spirit is sure it is blistering August and God is trying to give me a beautiful day in October.
I dread walking out into life and sometimes I can’t enjoy the surprise of a great blessing for dreading what is coming afterward.
I’m fairly certain that I’ve missed the real experience of blessings because I was focused on what might be.
I can tell you right now that I didn’t get the mileage out of the beautiful day I was given yesterday because of the stuff that might or might not happen today.
But all that worrying did not alter the course of this day at all. It only robbed me of precious moments of peace yesterday.
A few moments of peace yesterday may have made that first walk out into the rare air of this young August a lot more enjoyable. Instead, I woke up shaking off the load of a night of tossing and turning beneath a blanket of worry.
Don’t get me wrong. I sleep. I am grateful for that. It wasn’t all that long ago that in the middle of the night I would get out of bed and sit in the living room for hours, just me and my migraine and all the imaginings of an overly worried mind.
I can still, however, stand to let some things go, things that only God can really handle, things that are entirely out of my hands. I do not have some sort of ability to alter the course of the future by working it over inside my brain.
Nope. Not even a little.
So, even though it feels like peace shouldn’t really exist for me in this day considering everything that is going on, I need to embrace it anyway. Even though it seems like I should be working hard to worry the future into a better place, I need to allow God to work it all out and give him room inside my mind to give me the peace he has promised me.
John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”