Idle Time

It is finally Friday.  I feel like I really need a weekend, a weekend where I do nothing except rest, lay back in the recliner and veg, put my feet up and chill.

I feel pretty strongly this is what I need but I also feel that deep down if I could get a weekend like that, it would accomplish nothing.

Often, I feel I need to be idle but being idle just causes me to sit and overthink the world.

I think what I really need is not so much being idle but peacefully doing something I don’t HAVE to do.  Maybe tying some flies, working out, fishing alone in the quiet of a babbling stream or making something out in my shop are better ways to get what I need.

Writing is another thing that passes time in a less hectic yet productive way that does a lot more for me than simply being idle.

I guess what I actually need is to have a weekend where my main goal is to accomplish something I don’t have to accomplish.

I spend so many days trying to accomplish what I need to do and what has to be done and being unsuccessful I end up accomplishing stress more than anything else.  This morning I looked out the back door at the birdhouse I built with my grandson for no reason at all and enjoyed the boys flying in and out.

It’s funny, even if I only watch it for a few seconds, it makes me feel happy, knowing my grandson’s hands were on it, helping it turn into a home for the bluebirds and seeing the tenants enjoy living in my backyard.

No one told me I “needed” to build it or it “had” to be done.  I just did it and just this morning it made me smile.

Dealing with depression, I often feel the need to just shut down and enjoy doing nothing.  But, that seldom helps me at all.  I think I misread this and what I really need is to do something different that fills a part of me instead of me trying to fill what everyone else needs.

My work can be really satisfying, but it can also be very draining.  My responsibilities can be rewarding but they can also steal my peace and ambition.  I feel so tired trying to spread myself thin and make enough of me to go around that I mistakenly think I need to stop and be a bump on the sofa for a couple of days.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve let idleness take over and it just didn’t fix me like I thought it ought to.

So, my goal for the weekend is to start and finish doing something I don’t need to do and that doesn’t have to be done.  Hopefully, I can take a few pictures and show you my unnecessary accomplishment and we can all smile together.