“Why me, God?”

I’ve asked this question several times over the course of my life. Looking back at those times, the answer is still usually, “I don’t know.”

Particularly, when it comes to me wondering why I was created with this depression that makes no sense of life at times and causes me to want to give up even when things are going well. I just don’t know why.

I do know that it is part of my journey, part of who I am, and that I will carry it to the grave as long as God doesn’t decide to miraculously turn me into a normal functioning human. I also know that through the last few years, God has opened doors to allow me to help others with the same obstacles in their journey. It takes a person like me to understand what is going on with me. People that don’t deal with depression always look for a reason or a cause. They can’t understand that it just is.

I’ve learned to accept that some things just are. There is no cause I can fix, no cure for the affliction, just salve for the symptoms.

This drive to want to know the why of everything and be up on a level with God is what made Adam and Eve hungry for what they were forbidden. They couldn’t accept that God is God and they are a part of his creation and just let that be good enough.

I try to no longer spend hours upon hours trying to figure life all out. The more I sit and think about what God needs to do to fix things, the less strong my faith in him becomes. He already has it all figured out and anything I figure I could change is just me poking around eating fruit I am forbidden to eat.

Proverbs 20:24 The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

There are a lot of “why’s” along the road of life. I hear it asked all the time. But knowing the answer to all of those questions won’t change a thing. It seems that the things which can be changed are ignored as long as possible. I’d rather avoid giving up my stranglehold on my life and keep God on the outskirts rather than simply do what he says and trust he will give me real wisdom that can be put to work here in this life.

Me knowing why God does what he does makes about as much difference in my life as knowing why there are the number of moons around Jupiter there are. Jupiter, nor its moons, as of right now, has never made one iota of difference in my life.

Being able to answer a lot of trivia questions about God doesn’t really add to the quality of my life at all. I need to know him, not no more about what he is up to. I need to trust he will let me know what I need to know when I need to know it and I might not understand it but I do need to obey and believe it.

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